11 Weeks

First and foremost, I want to apologize for being totally radio silent lately and to THANK YOU ALL sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, for all of your sweet notes!  They all put a smile on my face just when I needed it -- so thank you!  Although I've never met you in "real life", your support and positive thoughts mean SO much to me!

I'm happy to share that as of Wednesday, our little one has a strong heartbeat of 165 and is growing right on schedule.  And, today I hit the 11 week mark!

Our baby is now the size of a lime and the head-to-body ratio is 1:1.  Can you imagine that?!  S/he looks quite adorable in our most recent sonogram photo, if I do say so myself!  ;)

On this day last pregnancy, I was undergoing my MVA.  That was one of, if not the, worst days of my life.  All this past week I've been really nervous, and each little twinge or pain has my mind racing.  I'm trying to stay calm and stay rational, but that has proven to be quite a challenge.  Lucky for me, my hubby has enough patience and calmness for the both of us.  And, he's a pretty darn good cook, too, so count me super-lucky!

In addition to being a bit nervous, the reason I've been MIA on the blog is because I've been feeling like total POOP.  {Pardon my potty mouth.}  I've been able to {barely} drag myself out of bed every morning, get my butt to work, and have tried to act like a semi-normal human while I'm there {since nobody except my boss know my little secret}.  But that's where it ends.  By the time I drag myself in the door at night I'm completely useless.  As in I collapse on the couch inside the door and can't even get to the bedroom to get my pajamas on.  Luckily, I've only physically gotten sick once, and I've been able to eat pretty well-balanced meals on most days.  But, for a large part of every day I have this super gross feeling in my tummy that alters between nausea & pain, and disgusting taste in the back of my throat that makes functioning like a normal adult pretty darn hard.  So this is why I haven't been blogging much.  But, since I'm slowly nearing the end of my first trimester, I'm hoping I'll start feeling better soon and can do some more regular blog posts, because I have SO much to discuss with you all!

In the meanwhile, you know what Kelly Clarkson says.... what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!  And in this case, I'm going through all of this for a VERY worthwhile cause.  So, I'll keep the rest of my complaints to myself and leave you with this funny little laugh:

Happy November!

9 weeks

I am currently 9 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  Our little fetus {we graduated from embryo to fetus on Sunday!} is currently the size of a green olive.  65 days down, and only 215 more to go...

Source: The Bump

My current estimated delivery date is May 25, 2014.  That's 2 days after our 5th wedding anniversary and 5 months after my previous EDD.  {I'm trying not to be superstitious about having another EDD of the 25th, but I will admit it was a bit unnerving when I first calculated the date based on my last period.}

I'm over 20% of the way there, and 75% through my first trimester.  That's a milestone I'm really praying to cross with flying colors this time around.  Since my last pregnancy ended in miscarriage at nearly 11 weeks after seeing a healthy heartbeat, I am feeling especially anxious about the next couple weeks.  I know worrying isn't going to help me or the little olive, so I am doing everything I can to keep my mind busy and to stay positive.  I've been repeating to myself that "most pregnancies end with healthy babies" -- I saw that on a message board somewhere and have adopted it as my mantra for the foreseeable future.

Last Wednesday, we heard the baby's heartbeat and saw it's little body for the first time.  According to the sonogram tech and my OB, everything looked good.  Hearing the swishing sound of the heartbeat was a welcome treat, and of course we got to take home a couple photos of the little one.

I am taking this pregnancy one day at a time, and today I'm hopeful for many more tomorrows of witnessing our little one continuing to grow.

Positive News

First of all, I'm sorry I've been MIA for the past few weeks.  The reason is because I've been hesitant to actually write this down anywhere.  I've only said it out loud a couple times.  But they say a picture is worth a thousand words so here goes . . .

I'm pregnant!

I'm so very happy we have a second chance at a miracle, and I'm really trying to think positive thoughts.  But if I'm being honest, the truth is I'm also incredibly scared.  I'm definitely more nervous this time around than I was last time because I know how seemingly harmless statistics can turn against you in the blink of an eye.  But when it comes down to it, my desire to create a family with my loving husband exceeds the fear I feel of failing again.  So, like the adorable Natalie who was scared to start kindergarten but proclaimed nonetheless: "I'll be bwave."  I will be brave.  It's as simple as that.

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To My Fellow Miscarriage/Loss Readers:  I know you have suffered and faced your own pregnancy losses, and I hope this news doesn't hurt you in any way.  Please know that I am so grateful for all your support thus far, and am hoping with all I have that each and every one of you gets your own happy news and healthy baby to take home very soon!

Vitamin D Follow-Up

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I was finally able to speak live with the nurse from my GP's office and she has solved my Vitamin D "to-supplement-or-to-not-supplement" mystery!  Apparently the reason they don't recommend I take any supplements at this point in time is because:

(1) Vitamin D is a fat-soluble {not water-soluble} vitamin which means that it absorbs into the body and is therefore easy to "overdose" on {which I already knew but doesn't explain why they recommended I took the supplements before they knew I was TTC};

(2) Doctors are very hesitant to recommend any supplements other than pre-natal vitamins to those trying to conceive and/or who may be pregnant.  {Again, I already knew this but it doesn't really explain why all of a sudden they're not concerned that I'm deficient.}

(3) But most importantly, my levels were close enough to the normal range that my so-called deficiency is not that big of a deal.  Normal range is 32-100 and my number was 29, so I guess the potential risks of overdose outweigh the potential risks of deficiency.  This was the missing piece of the puzzle, and with this explanation I now feel more comfortable with the advice not to take the supplements.  I do, however, think I'll be sneaking in some milk or cheese more often than usual to give myself some piece of mind that I'm creeping towards the normal range without putting myself at risk.

One mystery solved -- LOTS more mysteries to go...

Vitamin D

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Last week I had a general annual physical, which uncovered a Vitamin D deficiency in my blood work.  I received a message from the nurse informing me that recent research suggests Vitamins D is important to prevent certain cancers and autoimmune deficiencies, and advising me to immediately begin daily Vitamin D3 supplements of 2000 IUs.  The nurse was very clear that too much supplemental Vitamin D is not good so I should not take more than the 2000 IUs.  My prenatal vitamin contains 400 IUs though, and I didn't see a 1500 IU dosage available, so I called the nurse back to ask whether I should take 1000 IUs instead of the 2000 IUs.  Apparently when she got my message mentioning a prenatal vitamin, she checked my records and discovered my miscarriage.  She left me a very sweet, encouraging message, and said *not* to take the Vitamin D supplements after all.  What the?! 

So, I did the only thing I knew to do... I started Googling like crazy.  And what I found was frightening, to say the least.  Studies have recently shown that too little Vitamin D could potentially cause fertility issues, impede fetal bone development, cause growth retardation and skeletal deformities, and cause a generally difficult and higher-risk pregnancy {click here, here and here for more info}.  I also found some articles suggesting that too much Vitamin D is equally dangerous, but there doesn't seem to be consensus as to how much is too much.  So now what?

According to this babycenter website entry:

The National Academy of Sciences currently recommends that pregnant women get 200 IUs (5 micrograms) of vitamin D each day if they're not exposed to adequate sunlight (your body makes vitamin D when exposed to the sun).  Many experts believe this amount isn't nearly enough.  And the National Academy of Sciences is reviewing its guidelines on vitamin D, so they may change.

"I recommend that pregnant women take a supplement of 4,000 IU of vitamin D a day. And I recommend that lactating women take a supplement of 6,000 IU daily," says Bruce Hollis, professor of pediatrics at the Medical University of South Carolina, who has researched vitamin D needs.

From everything I've read so far, it seems the risks of NOT taking a 1000 or 2000 IU daily supplement of Vitamin D are greater {especially since I've been deemed as deficient} than the risks of taking such a relatively low dosage of supplement.  But then why did my GP's office warn against doing so???  What don't I know?  Perhaps they're just being overly cautious because they don't specialize in OB?

Today I called my OB's office to get a second opinion on the supplement question.  The nurse who returned my call clearly had no idea what she was talking about from the start.  I explained to her that my GP's office flip-flopped their advice once they found out I was taking a prenatal vitamin, so I wanted a second opinion given that I read online that such a deficiency could cause difficulties trying to conceive and during pregnancy.  I'm pretty sure I even stated outright that I was seeking clarification specifically because I was trying to conceive.  She was speaking in a very dodgy manner, saying that "less is better than more" with pregnancy, and suggested I try to get Vitamin D from food {which, by the way, is not as easy as getting extra Vitamin C, for example} and that my levels were probably low because I hadn't been on the multi-vitamin for long enough, and I should be tested again in a few weeks or months.  That's when I interjected to clarify that I'd already been on the prenatals for 6 months and was just diagnosed as deficient last week.  To which she responded:  "Oh, ok.  Let's see, you're 25 weeks along right?"  {Insert sharp gut punch here.}  I mumbled back that I'd had a miscarriage, which was surprising to her because apparently my "file is still open".  WTF does that mean and how is that possible, seeing as THEY treated me when I miscarried?!?!  I really hate doctor's offices.  Anyway... I ended the conversation with charlatan advice that I could "occasionally" take "a little of the supplement" while trying to conceive, but that I should stop taking it if/when I discover I'm pregnant.

I'm now totally confused AND really annoyed...

I'm tempted to take matters into my own hands and start taking a 1000 IU supplement every other day.  I mean, if I'm deficient, could that small amount really put me over the edge into the danger zone when there are doctors advising that 4000 and even 6000 IUs are acceptable during pregnancy???  Apparently healthy levels are between 32-100, and mine are 29.4, so although I'm not too far below the lower limit, there is a huge gap between the lower and upper limits.  I don't know what to do and really wish my doctor weren't being so dodgy about this stupid Vitamin D stuff!

If anyone out there has experience or information on this topic, PLEASE comment!  I'll take all the advice, anecdotes and even old wives' tales I can get right now!  ;)

We Remember Them...

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In the rising of the sun and in its going down, we remember them

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, we remember them

In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, we remember them

In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, we remember them

In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them

When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them

When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them

When we have joys we yearn to share, we remember them

So long as we live they too shall live, for they are now a part of us as we remember them

Text by Rabbis Sylvan Kamens and Jack Riemer from Gates of Prayer, R.B. Gittelsohn

When I first came across this prayer, I had recently miscarried and so the words immediately brought my mind to my lost baby.  But the truth is, this poem could refer equally to any loved one that has been lost.  My grandfather.  My uncle.  My great aunts and uncles and family friends...

We also remember the first responders and emergency personnel who bravely sacrificed their safety and lost their lives 12 years ago in an attempt to serve, protect and save others.  These fallen heroes will always be remembered with great respect and sincere gratitude for their endless bravery and for the sacrifices they made for their fellow Americans.

Be Kind

So true...

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