Monday, July 29, 2013

Too Good to Be True

I remember the moment I read in one of my pregnancy books that an estimated 25% of women don't get morning sickness while pregnant.  Most women would be thrilled to find themselves in that category, but I distinctly remember feeling uneasy upon reading that statistic.

You see, I just don't have good luck.  It could be the 2 mirrors I broke while moving into Manhattan 7.5 years ago; it may very well be something else.  But whatever the reason, luck is generally not on my side.  If 25% of women don't get morning sickness, that means 75% do, and those kinds of odds are rarely in my favor.  Nevertheless, I don't consider myself overly superstitious, so I tried not to focus on that fact too much and instead hoped for once I was on the right side of the odds.  But, there were several other reasons I feared this pregnancy seemed too good, or at minimum, too easy, to be true:
  • We got pregnant on our second try.  I know some women struggle for months and some for many years to conceive.  For as long as I can remember, even back to my teenage years, I've always had a deep-seated fear that I'd be unable to get pregnant.  To learn we got pregnant so quickly was very surprising to me after so many years of worrying.
  • Our baby's estimated due date was the 25th.  Not only is my birthday the 25th, but so is my mom's.  I know babies are rarely born on their due date, but the potential for this happening was pretty neat.
  • And not just any 25th... our baby was due on December 25th.  Christmas Day.  I can't think of a more beautiful way to celebrate Christmas than to welcome a new baby of our own into our lives.  I've always loved Christmas {and not just because of the presents!} and it's always been a very big tradition in my family for many extended relatives to gather from near and far.  The news that our baby was expected at Christmastime made the experience all the more magical for both my husband and I.  We were absolutely delighted to learn we were pregnant, and over the moon with excitement when we calculated our due date.  I went to numerous different web sites, repeatedly filling in dates, to be sure it was true!
  • We pulled off two YouTube-worthy surprise family reveals.  Our moms both live about 1.5 hours away {in different directions} and we successfully orchestrated the biggest Mother's Day surprise by inviting them both over for brunch, and then presenting them with matching "grandma to-be" t-shirts while recording their priceless reactions.  And, they didn't suspect a thing.  It was such a fun and memorable surprise, and the timing was perfect because we'd just had our first ultrasound 4 days earlier, so even had photos on hand to insert into their cards.  We even got a baby bottle of bourbon for my brother, so the new uncle-to-be wouldn't feel left out.  Then, a few weeks later, we surprised my aunt, uncle, cousin and 91 year old grandmother who live 7 hours away during what they thought was an experimental laptop video-conferencing for my job.  I prepared and sent via FedEx to my aunt four sealed envelopes, each containing a piece of paper with one of the letters B, A, B, Y.  They opened the envelopes simultaneously and put the clue together while we silently watched from our laptop.  We captured their wonderful reactions on video through the wonders of modern technology, and were so excited to be able to tell them our wonderful news "face to face", even though we couldn't do so in person.  This may not sound like a big deal, but it meant everything to me.  As I mentioned, my grandma is 91 years old.  She is the brightest light in my life and I felt so honored to tell her that she was going to become a great-grandma.  Her reaction was absolutely priceless.
I know these things all probably seem pretty petty, especially as compared to the incredibly serious and solemn occurrence of a miscarriage.  But at the time, these small details magnified the excitement of experiencing our first pregnancy beyond anything we could have imagined.  Everything just came together o perfectly.  Unfortunately, it turned out to be too perfect.  It was too good to be true.


  1. I just wanted to thank you for writing this blog...reading it has brought me some comfort in knowing that I am not alone, although I am so sincerely sorry for your loss. This post in particular really struck a chord with me...I told my best friend about my pregnancy a few weeks ago, but I told her I felt like I was "waiting for the other shoe to drop". The shoe did drop on 7/23, when we went in for an u/s at 10.5 weeks and found out that we had lost our baby. There were no significant signs of a miscarriage, and this entire process has been horribly surreal. But in fact, my pregnancy also seemed too good to be true...We got pregnant on the first try, we found out that I was pregnant on the day of our 10th wedding anniversary, my due date was going to be the day after my birthday (my husband's b-day & sister's b-day are also the same month), I did not have any morning sickness, we got awesome video reactions of our parents when we announced the news...reading your post was all too familiar. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am to have stumbled across your blog...although I am only 1 week into this nightmare, I can relate to you on so many levels. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience with others, it truly is a blessing.

    1. Hi ale212, thank YOU so much for reading, and for leaving such a heartfelt comment! I'm so incredibly sorry to hear about your loss, and sorry that we share such a painful experience. As you mentioned though, chatting with other women who have miscarried has really helped me a lot during this experience and I am so honored to think that I've been able to help you, even if in a small way, by reassuring you that you are NOT alone. Receiving your note sincerely made my day, because you described the exact reason I started this blog -- to relate to other women going through a similar experience. Sharing our stories helps ease the burden, in my opinion, even if just for a moment. I hope you stop by again soon! In the meanwhile, I will keep you in my thoughts and hope for as speedy of a healing process as possible for you. Take care of yourself! Hugs!


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