Monday, January 19, 2015

Back to Work

Well, this is it.  My last day of maternity leave.  Well, technically last Monday marked the end of  my leave, but Emily and I were both sick for days so I never actually made it in to work my first week!  Thus, this week is Back to Work -- Take 2!  ... And I'm dreading it.

I love my company, and my team.  I generally consider my teammates friends.  They're good, interesting, smart people, and fun to spend time with.  I get compensated fairly for the work I do, and am valued by my management.  There is tasty food at work, and my commute is pretty easy.  But none of this makes leaving Emily easy, at all.

I get that I'm beyond lucky to have had the time I did with Emily.  Watching her first smiles, holding her in my arms, seeing her grow and develop day by day has been such a blessing.  Especially given the dreadfully non-existent parental leave most employees in this country receive {click for link}, I have absolutely nothing to complain about.  Yet the nearly 8 months I've had at home with Emily simply don't seem enough.  They've passed too quickly -- in the blink of an eye.  There was so much I wanted to do, and so many more daytime snuggles I want to share.  I have many beautiful memories, and some funny ones too, of time spent with my Emily during my leave.  Scenes in my mind that I'll never forget.  But I don't want them to be memories.  I don't want this special time to be over!

Aside from the sentimental, let's be practical -- I have absolutely no idea how to be a working mom.  I'll be brutally honest; I don't even know how I'm going to get up, dressed and out the door at a reasonable time tomorrow!  Most of my days have been spent in my PJs, until at least noon!  A few months ago I read a very sweet piece of advice from The Today Show's Natalie to Savannah {click for link}, and have tried to take many of the lessons to heart.  I also got some good advice from some fellow moms at work.  It all seems so daunting though.

And on top of all that, I worry about Emily and whether she'll adjust to daycare and drink her bottle, or cry and be sad and afraid that I've abandoned her.  A little dramatic, yes, but infants can be dramatic!!  I will miss her so dearly, every single minute of my day tomorrow!  I'll wonder what she'll be doing or thinking, hoping she's smiling but missing that too.

My plan is just to take one step at a time, but I will tell you right now the hardest step is going to be that first one out the door in the morning.... no stroller in tow, with tears in my eyes.  I'm crying just thinking about it.

Wish me luck . . .


  1. I hate this post :-(

    But I hope it all goes well for you tomorrow and Emily does well at daycare. Please update on how it went. Hugs, momma. That's not easy.

    1. I hate it, too!! Thanks so much for the support! It was a rough week, but we made it through.... will write a post with all the gory details. ;(

  2. Been thinking about you this week! I read your post the other day but didn't have time to comment..I can't imagine how hard it was for you to leave Emily! I hope things went well for your first day back to work, and I hope her first "real" week at daycare is going well and she's adjusting to the routine. Hang in there! :)

    1. Thank you so much, Allie! You're so sweet. It was hard, for sure.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...