Thursday, May 1, 2014

One Regret...

"Be bold and courageous.  When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I'm annoyed at myself about a regret I have.  I regret that I let my fear about all the things that could potentially go wrong with this pregnancy prevent me from fully embracing, from day one, with nothing but complete excitement, the baby we are about to have.

I was a ball of nerves the entire first trimester, and most of the second as well if I'm being honest.  Even after getting great results at our NT scan, seeing with my own eyes a very healthy anatomy scan, and receiving clean bill of health after clean bill of health at all my many doctor's appointments, I never really allowed myself to relax and soak up the pure joy of being pregnant.  If I'm being totally honest, I envy the women I know who began their pregnancies with unfiltered hope in their eyes, and who shouted their blessed news from the rooftops to anyone who would listen as soon as the pee dried on the stick, without a second thought to it!  I wish with all my might that I had as much confidence in the outcome of my pregnancy, and didn't spend so many months worrying about worst case scenarios...

This cartoon sums it up so perfectly.  I spent so many months worrying that something bad would happen instead of diving head first into book reading, gift registries, nursery decor, name planning and all the other excitement that pregnancy brings.  I was too afraid to choose paint colors, sheets or little layettes too soon though.... and so instead I waited too long!  Now all of the things I could have, and should have, been doing to prepare all along are crammed into the span of a few weeks.  Not only does that increase my to-do list, but it takes away from the joy of planning and the anticipation.

If I could go back and change my outlook and my behavior, I would.  I'm glad that I finally had the courage to start believing sometime during this third trimester that our baby would continue growing on schedule and that she or he will hopefully make a healthy appearance in late May.  I just wish I'd adopted this completely positive attitude -- and banished my irrational fears -- sooner!


  1. I know exactly what you mean. I've done the very same thing with this pregnancy. Miscarriage steals the joy from future pregnancies, and that is unfortunate, but we are all the same. I'm so happy that you've been able to finally relax and enjoy your pregnancy. I can't believe the day is almost here! I'm bouncing up and down, so excited for you. And curiosity is killing me - I want to know what the baby is already!! There's no way I could wait and not find out with this one. I'll be dying to know. I love, love, love your patience. :D

    1. It is very unfortunate; well said. Thanks though for reassuring me that I'm not the only one who feels this way. It's comforting to know I'm in good company. In other news, I crack up every time you make a comment about this baby's sex! Between you and 2 other friends we have, I think the 3 of you might have more anticipation about whether this baby is a boy or girl than Shep or I do!!!


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