We Don't Know What It's Like

Over the past year or so, we've thought a lot about what it would be like to have a baby of our own.  We have read about various parenting theories, we've listened to stories from friends and strangers alike, we've spied on watched families with babies and small children out in public...  We've done all of this "research" to prepare, as best as we can, for the life-changing journey we're about to start together as parents.  We think we've got a pretty good idea about the kind of changes we're in for, and we hope we have realistic expectations.  But the truth is, we don't KNOW what it will be like.

The thing about the unknown is that it can be scary.  For many of us {ahem}, change is simply terrifying.  You can prepare and prepare, but there are certain things or situations or factors that can't be predicted, practiced or accounted for.  I'm sure any soon-to-be or new parents out there can relate... everyone has a story for you and everyone has advice about what to do when X comes up, or you find yourself in Y situation with no advanced warning.  And though all of the advice is coming from a well-meaning place, it can be overwhelming to keep hearing about all the things that can or will be difficult or challenges that lay ahead, when you haven't even yet held that snuggly baby in your arms for the first time.  And so, at a certain point, we just need to try as best we can to make ourselves okay with the fact that we might not have a CLUE about what we're actually getting ourselves into, but leap into it wholeheartedly anyway, knowing we have the best intentions and are as prepared as realistically possible given the world of unknowns.  At this point is when the palms get sweaty, fears race through our brains like lightening, and we start to wonder:  Are we sure we're up for this life-long challenge?

With only a couple weeks left until our little one is due to arrive, I'm looking forward so much to meeting our newest little family member -- but all of these "what ifs" and thoughts and fears are at the front of my mind.  I think I started getting ahead of myself by focusing too much on them {what if our baby has colic? what if s/he isn't a good eater or sleeper?  what if we're terrible parents?} instead of the sheer anticipation and excitement of our little one's arrival!  Thinking about all of this, I remembered a video ad I'd seen back in December, so I looked it up and watched it again.  And lo and behold, it made me feel better....

By any account, that family's life is stressful!  The house is a mess, the parents look frazzled and exhausted, the kid {though adorable} is into everything.  And then they find out they're having another little miracle, and instead of feeling overwhelmed or scared, they're deliriously joyous.  The stress can {and will!} come later, but for right now, I'm going to soak up the last couple weeks of this pregnancy, coo over every little onesie or outfit as I wash and put it away in baby's new room, and think about how full of love and excitement our hearts were when we first found out we were pregnant.  Those are the feelings to savor and focus on.

Don't get me wrong... I'm generally not one for burying my head in the sand.  I know it's going to be challenging to enter the realm of parenthood, and that there will be some very difficult and sleep-deprived days and nights ahead, but I shouldn't get ahead of myself -- first we need to actually get there... to the point where we have our precious baby in our arms!

Encouragement From a Long Lost Friend

I recently regained contact with a friend with whom I was once very close when I was younger, but lost touch with over the past 10 years.  I saw on Facebook that she was expecting a baby, so sent her a private message to congratulate her.  To my surprise, she responded by telling me that she and her husband were very excited to be parents, especially because they had experienced 3 miscarriages in the past 2 years.  Three miscarriages???  In two years??  My heart fell into my stomach and I began bawling.  I felt deep despair -- for her and her husband and their families.  But also for myself, and for anyone else who has been through this horrible experience.  And then I started thinking that if she could survive such a terrible thing THREE times, and still go on to try again and eventually have a healthy pregnancy.... maybe there was a little bit of hope for the rest of us?

She was very kind in her message and went into great detail about all 3 of her losses.  As I read, I cried and cried and cried.  I couldn't imagine how anyone could go through all of this and come out on the other side, still standing.  She ended her message by saying:

I wanted to share with you my (long) story because although it was really hard to go through, I did make it through and now I am pregnant!  I hope your journey is not as long and as painful.  Everyone would say to me after I miscarried that this is the way for nature to get rid of a pregnancy that wasn't going to work, or a baby that wouldn't have been healthy.  Nothing anyone said would help me to feel better.  Months after I would still randomly get upset about it.  Right now though, I can tell you that it is all worth it, and I don't think about all that I went through.  I'm just enjoying now and I am so grateful for this pregnancy.

and then...

Take care of yourself and think positively!  Good things happen to good people!  It's the way of the world and what you deserve!

Reading her words made it sound so easy to try to think positively, though thinking positively seems impossibly scary for me at this point.  But, after learning what this woman has been through, I do feel a slight glimmer of hope.  And I feel encouraged that if she could be so very strong and brave enough to try again and again and again, and to maintain hope that one day she'd get her miracle baby, that at the very least I should give it my best to try to follow in her footsteps...