Horoscopes

OK train monitor horoscopes, you're driving me mad.  First you rub it in my face that I can travel anywhere I'd like, thanks to not having a baby on board.  Then 2 days later you tell me to "Press the pause button on any travel plans you've been making. Things may change."

For a minute, I wondered if there could be some mistake.  Could I still be pregnant?  Is it possible that all that bleeding wasn't a miscarriage at all?  Even if that were true (which I know in my head is not true but did briefly hope in my heart is possible), there was the MVA.

But why else would I have to press the pause button on travel plans???  Does this mean perhaps I might become pregnant again, soon?  Or maybe it means I'll have another miscarriage.  Or will I need fertility treatments?!  The truth is, nobody knows.

Here's a better question:  why am I even stressing about the myriad of possible circumstances that could cause me to cancel travel plans, because of a stupid train monitor horoscope????  I don't think these types of thought patterns are normal.  Am I losing my mind, or is this part of the normal grieving process?  Oh how I wish I could just rewind the clock a month, and be pregnant and happy again...  Will that ever happen?

Flexible Phase

I didn’t cry today. To me, that is a big feat. I muddled my way through work, went to the gym for some exercise on the treadmill, ate dinner with my hubby, messed around with some home decor, and then fell asleep without any tears or pain medication. Although I did feel a stab of emotional pain today after reading my horoscope on the train video screens, which advised that any travel plans would be a great idea due to the “flexible phase I’m in”. To me, that was code for “you have no baby on the way” and it hurt.  Badly.