9 weeks

I am currently 9 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  Our little fetus {we graduated from embryo to fetus on Sunday!} is currently the size of a green olive.  65 days down, and only 215 more to go...

Source: The Bump

My current estimated delivery date is May 25, 2014.  That's 2 days after our 5th wedding anniversary and 5 months after my previous EDD.  {I'm trying not to be superstitious about having another EDD of the 25th, but I will admit it was a bit unnerving when I first calculated the date based on my last period.}

I'm over 20% of the way there, and 75% through my first trimester.  That's a milestone I'm really praying to cross with flying colors this time around.  Since my last pregnancy ended in miscarriage at nearly 11 weeks after seeing a healthy heartbeat, I am feeling especially anxious about the next couple weeks.  I know worrying isn't going to help me or the little olive, so I am doing everything I can to keep my mind busy and to stay positive.  I've been repeating to myself that "most pregnancies end with healthy babies" -- I saw that on a message board somewhere and have adopted it as my mantra for the foreseeable future.

Last Wednesday, we heard the baby's heartbeat and saw it's little body for the first time.  According to the sonogram tech and my OB, everything looked good.  Hearing the swishing sound of the heartbeat was a welcome treat, and of course we got to take home a couple photos of the little one.

I am taking this pregnancy one day at a time, and today I'm hopeful for many more tomorrows of witnessing our little one continuing to grow.

Positive News

First of all, I'm sorry I've been MIA for the past few weeks.  The reason is because I've been hesitant to actually write this down anywhere.  I've only said it out loud a couple times.  But they say a picture is worth a thousand words so here goes . . .

I'm pregnant!

I'm so very happy we have a second chance at a miracle, and I'm really trying to think positive thoughts.  But if I'm being honest, the truth is I'm also incredibly scared.  I'm definitely more nervous this time around than I was last time because I know how seemingly harmless statistics can turn against you in the blink of an eye.  But when it comes down to it, my desire to create a family with my loving husband exceeds the fear I feel of failing again.  So, like the adorable Natalie who was scared to start kindergarten but proclaimed nonetheless: "I'll be bwave."  I will be brave.  It's as simple as that.

Source

To My Fellow Miscarriage/Loss Readers:  I know you have suffered and faced your own pregnancy losses, and I hope this news doesn't hurt you in any way.  Please know that I am so grateful for all your support thus far, and am hoping with all I have that each and every one of you gets your own happy news and healthy baby to take home very soon!

Silent Tears

Source

Today would've marked the 19th week of my pregnancy.  I wonder how it would've felt to reach "the halfway mark"...

I'm nearing the point where I will have been "un-pregnant" for a longer period of time than I was pregnant.  I wonder how that will feel...

I've already been "un-pregnant" for a couple weeks longer than the period during which I knew I was in fact pregnant.  Unfortunately, if anything that fact only makes me feel worse, not better.

I also wonder if or when my brain will stop automatically calculating weekly gestation milestones each and every Wednesday...  Eventually, time will run out.  I would've never been 52 weeks pregnant even if I hadn't miscarried, so I guess this counting ritual technically can't go on much past December.

Eventually, it will be time to move on... time not to forget, but to focus on something new.  I can't imagine it but I guess that's the goal of the grieving process -- processing and accepting what has happened in order to move on.  Do I even want to move on?  Honestly, I'm not sure.  Will time heal this pain?  Only time will tell...

Surprise Announcement!!

This morning I prepared the FedEx surprise for VA, where my 91 year old grandma, aunt, uncle and cousin live!!!! I used four different pastel-colored pieces of paper to write B, A, B, Y on, then put each piece in a manilla envelope with a message on the front telling them it’s top secret and not to open.   :)   I FedExed the package from work, which should be delivered by tomorrow @ noon! Not sure when we’re going to do the video chat but I need to figure out how to record it!! I also need to figure out when/how to share the news with my godmother/other aunt. We’re scheduled to visit my BFF and family on June 8th to share the surprise with them!

May 30

I’m still experiencing tummy pains (and some stool issues) and also had some brown staining today at work. I called the doctor’s office to ask about those issues plus the leg cramps I started having yesterday and the nurse who called me back said there’s nothing to worry about. I should focus on eating bananas, rice and toast and stay away from dairy. I feel really nervous and hope everything is okay.

I also emailed my aunt and cousin in Virginia about the FedEx+videoconference surprise this weekend... can’t wait to see what happens! :)

First Ultrasound

Today was our first ultrasound! I was pretty nervous but glad that the Mr. was there with me. I hopped up on the table, the tech rubbed some cold jelly on my belly and moved the wand around. She couldn’t pick anything up that way (which I knew in my head was pretty common this early, though I still got more nervous...) so tried it the “other” way. The screen showed some black and white shapes, and I saw what looked like 2 circles. For a second I thought that might mean 2 babies and for the first time I think I understood what it must’ve felt like for Jen when she found out she was having twins! (I still remember the day she called me with the news -- I shrieked and jumped out of my desk at work with excitement and she seemed shell-shocked.) To make things more suspenseful the tech asked “Do you see what I see?” and I had no idea what that meant or if that was her way of hinting there might be more than one baby!!! I guess the Mr.'s jokes over the past couple years about me having triplets got to me! I replied, “I don’t know - what do you see?” and she pointed out the fetus. It turns out the other circle I saw was the yolk sac -- phew! ;) The heartbeat was 141 beats (which is good -- the optimal pace is between 120-160, so we’re right in the middle!) and the length measured 7w2d. That’s 5 days smaller than we thought (I thought today was the start of my 8th week) but with measurements that small I guess it’s hard to be precisely accurate to the day. The tech assured us that a 5 day discrepancy was nothing to be alarmed at.

We went home with 2 photos for us, and 1 for each of the moms! We are going to put one in each of their cards for this weekend’s mother’s day surprise.   :)

Unfortunately, there was some kind of scheduling snafu and so I didn’t get to meet with the doctor today, but we scheduled my “first OB appt” for Tuesday afternoon.

April 28th

Today I attended a friend’s baby shower.  It was a great event, and she got SO many adorable gifts!!! She looks really great! Very pregnant, but great!

It was awkward for me to sip water all day while the ladies around me were drinking bloody marys and mimosas.  I was nervous that someone would question me, but luckily that didn’t happen.  Although, I think one of the girls I was sitting across from at first did pick up on the fact, but didn’t mention anything.  Let’s hope she didn’t think anything of it!

My mother-in-law drove down for a visit today, and went out to brunch with Hubby while I was at the baby shower.  I was glad that I wouldn’t be home for her visit because I’m not good at keeping secrets or telling lies and I was nervous that she’d catch me off guard or that something would slip!  We did make sure to hide all our books, the little hat Hubby bought last weekend, and my vitamins before she came.  She stayed for a couple hours after I came home from the shower but luckily there weren’t any beans spilled!

April 24th

Today is the start of week 5!

Your baby's the size of an apple seed!

Your embryo is now measurable -- though at week five, that means a teeny .13 inches -- and she's gearing up for much more growth. In fact, in the next week, she'll almost double in size.  She doesn't look like much more than a tadpole right now, but she's already starting to form major organs (heart, stomach, liver, kidneys) and systems (digestive, circulatory, nervous). Grow baby, grow!

Pregnancy hormones kick in (if they haven't already).

During week five, those same hormones your pregnancy test picked up are likely starting to rear their ugly heads, causing some (not so fun) early pregnancy symptoms. The most common? Sore breasts, nausea and fatigue. Some nasties you may not have expected:

Frequent urination. It's something you expected later in pregnancy, right? Wrong. The urge to get up and go to the bathroom can be blamed on those pesky hormones.

Bloating. No, that's not a baby bump (at least not yet). That's bloating! The hormones are relaxing smooth muscle tissue in your gastrointestinal tract, which makes your gut work slower and translates into gas for you (sorry).

Heightened sense of smell. Every little whiff of perfume or food making you nauseous? That's par for the course too.

{Above images and facts courtesy of The Bump}

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I woke up super tired today... probably because I was tossing and turning all night with nightmares.   I caught myself at lunch reaching for tomatoes with feta cheese...bad, feta!  Phew.  I worked late and then came home ready to take my Week 5 time lapse photo.  Unfortunately, although I know I’m not showing yet, I look like a blob in the photo.   I guess that’s because of all the bloating!   At least I can tell myself I’m not a porker.... yet!

Even though I ate a pretty filling and healthy dinner @ 8pm, my tummy is now loudly growling at 10:47pm!!

I took my first baby bump watch photo today, and Hubby and I devised a list of ongoing questions to answer along with each pic!  Here goes...

(1) How far along are you? 5 weeks
(2) How much weight have you gained to date? 2 pounds
(3) Visible bump? Maternity clothes? No way, Jose!
(4) Any cravings? Not yet!
(5) What symptoms have you had? Nosebleeds, sore breasts, bloating, VERY tired, excessive peeing. Vivid dreams.
(6) Who did you tell? Hubby, my primary care physician (when I went in for a check-up) and my chiropractor.
(7) What names are you considering? Too many to list!
(8) What “getting ready for baby” task did you do? Signed up for some websites & newsletters, bought a couple books, started a pregnancy calendar to-do-list, took some photos, started this journal. 
 (9) What are you most looking forward to? My first OB appointment when I hopefully confirm everything looks good and maybe even hear the heartbeat!
(10) What do you miss? Wine, not having to pee every hour, not having to pay such close attention to what I eat.
(11) Any funny/memorable comments or experiences? At my chiropractic appointment, I had to tell the Dr. I’m pregnant so that he wouldn’t use the electrode stimulator on me. He congratulated me and then said jokingly that I would “get fat” like the woman in the waiting room, who was 8+ months pregnant (and not fat at all). He was joking because when she walked in the office, he turned to me and said as a joke “she’s really fat!” because it was obvious that she was very pregnant.
(12) Any movement? Only gas so far!  ;)
(13) Belly button in or out? Stretch marks? In. Not yet, thank goodness!
(14) Overall mood/condition? Excited/nervous/very tired.

April 22nd

Because I made zero progress last night, I started the day by calling the 3 OB practices my regular gynecologist recommended to me a couple months ago.  As my luck would have it, two of them don’t take my insurance and the one that does is not accepting new pregnant patients.  Boooooo!

I had a regular check-up scheduled with my GP for an annual exam and also for the wrist pain I’m having, and while I was there I found out that I have a heart murmur.  Say wha???  The doctor thinks it’s what’s called an “innocent” murmur, probably a result of my Zumba exercise, but wants me to have an echo just to be sure.  Lovely.  I also have to get a fasting blood test for the wrist pain.  Looks like I have a lot of doctor’s appointments in my immediate future...

On the positive side, today was my first experience telling someone out loud that I’m pregnant!  Scary but fun!!!

As soon as I got home from work I spent a lot of time looking through new websites and message boards.  Researching pregnancy info could be a full time job!