Flashback!

It's amazing how much can change in a year! This time last year we were wondering who the little person was hiding beneath my baby bump.... boy or girl?  Eye color, hair color, size, when we would get the chance to meet....?  Now we can't imagine our lives without Emily in it!!!  Soooooo worth the wait.  :)

One Year Ago

One year ago today, we started an otherwise ordinary Saturday morning in a big way:

Here's what I wrote in my journal that day:

POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!!!! I took the test as soon as I woke up, and though I meant to lay it face down and do the 5-minute-wait with Shep before we both looked at the results, it turned positive WHILE I was still peeing on it!!!! Wow, not sure what that means but I hope it’s good!!

Well, it turns out it was a good sign, and we now have an amazing little girl to prove it.  ;)  Shep and I were both a little hesitant to get our hopes up too high about the positive test after having gone through a miscarriage just a few months prior, but though fear lingered in the back of our minds we were still both excited, and cautiously optimistic, at the wonderful news.  We spent the morning together, quietly thinking about our future and daydreaming of a healthy, happy baby.

The next day we attended a family celebration -- a Christening for my cousin's baby.  It was a little tricky keeping such positive news {pun intended!} to ourselves in the presence of dozens of extended family members -- part of me wanted to shout with joy and hope from the rooftop, but it was still very early so we kept our lips sealed.  At the reception after the mass, we were sitting at our table chatting with other family members when my cousin came over and randomly handed the baby of honor to me to hold.  There must have been at least 50 other guests there, so I found it a bit ironic that of all the people there she handed ME the baby, especially given our new secret news.  My face must have turned 27 shades of red, and Shep gave me a sly grin, but luckily nobody noticed.  I remember hoping that it was a little sign from the universe that I'd soon enough be holding my own baby in my arms.  And thankfully, that's exactly what happened!

366 days ago we had no idea what our future family would look like.  Now, we can't imagine our family, or our lives, without Emily in it.  It's amazing how in a matter of just minutes {5, to take the test} and weeks {39.5, waiting for her to arrive}, life is forever changed.

Source

AF is here

Well, it looks like Aunt Flo has arrived.  On the one hand, I'm relieved -- I guess this means my body is hopefully OK and trying to get back to "normal".  On the other hand, experiencing menstruation after being pregnant is a harsh reminder that I'm no longer pregnant, in addition to being a very vivid reminder of the phsyical miscarriage process.  I've never been fond of having my period {I'm sure many women feel this way} but this time it's much worse than a mere inconvenience.  It feels as if I'm physically reliving my experience all over again.  Will it always be like this?

And just in case getting my period isn't reminder enough that I no longer have a baby growing inside of me, I was posed a really difficult question to answer during a routing dental cleaning today.  "You're not pregnant, are you?!" my dental hygienist exclaimed while she worked. Apparently my gums are puffy, which can be caused by hormones.  I silently shook my head and somehow managed to hold in my tears until I left the office.

Nope, I'm not.