One Year Ago

One year ago today, we started an otherwise ordinary Saturday morning in a big way:

Here's what I wrote in my journal that day:

POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!!!! I took the test as soon as I woke up, and though I meant to lay it face down and do the 5-minute-wait with Shep before we both looked at the results, it turned positive WHILE I was still peeing on it!!!! Wow, not sure what that means but I hope it’s good!!

Well, it turns out it was a good sign, and we now have an amazing little girl to prove it.  ;)  Shep and I were both a little hesitant to get our hopes up too high about the positive test after having gone through a miscarriage just a few months prior, but though fear lingered in the back of our minds we were still both excited, and cautiously optimistic, at the wonderful news.  We spent the morning together, quietly thinking about our future and daydreaming of a healthy, happy baby.

The next day we attended a family celebration -- a Christening for my cousin's baby.  It was a little tricky keeping such positive news {pun intended!} to ourselves in the presence of dozens of extended family members -- part of me wanted to shout with joy and hope from the rooftop, but it was still very early so we kept our lips sealed.  At the reception after the mass, we were sitting at our table chatting with other family members when my cousin came over and randomly handed the baby of honor to me to hold.  There must have been at least 50 other guests there, so I found it a bit ironic that of all the people there she handed ME the baby, especially given our new secret news.  My face must have turned 27 shades of red, and Shep gave me a sly grin, but luckily nobody noticed.  I remember hoping that it was a little sign from the universe that I'd soon enough be holding my own baby in my arms.  And thankfully, that's exactly what happened!

366 days ago we had no idea what our future family would look like.  Now, we can't imagine our family, or our lives, without Emily in it.  It's amazing how in a matter of just minutes {5, to take the test} and weeks {39.5, waiting for her to arrive}, life is forever changed.

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Positive News

First of all, I'm sorry I've been MIA for the past few weeks.  The reason is because I've been hesitant to actually write this down anywhere.  I've only said it out loud a couple times.  But they say a picture is worth a thousand words so here goes . . .

I'm pregnant!

I'm so very happy we have a second chance at a miracle, and I'm really trying to think positive thoughts.  But if I'm being honest, the truth is I'm also incredibly scared.  I'm definitely more nervous this time around than I was last time because I know how seemingly harmless statistics can turn against you in the blink of an eye.  But when it comes down to it, my desire to create a family with my loving husband exceeds the fear I feel of failing again.  So, like the adorable Natalie who was scared to start kindergarten but proclaimed nonetheless: "I'll be bwave."  I will be brave.  It's as simple as that.

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To My Fellow Miscarriage/Loss Readers:  I know you have suffered and faced your own pregnancy losses, and I hope this news doesn't hurt you in any way.  Please know that I am so grateful for all your support thus far, and am hoping with all I have that each and every one of you gets your own happy news and healthy baby to take home very soon!

April 21st

Hubby and I just took a pregnancy test and it’s POSITIVE!!!! Of course, I had to snap some photos of his face, my face and the test right away for posterity.  :)  I was pretty convinced we were pregnant because my period is over a week late, and I think I experienced what’s known as “implantation bleeding” last week, but for some reason I was afraid to look at the stick once the results were done! So, Hubby and I held hands and as I flipped it over, he looked first while my eyes were closed.  I asked him what the result was and he didn’t say anything for what seemed like an eternity!!  I asked “what does it say?!” for the 3rd or 4th time and he finally replied: “Congratulations, Mama!”.

Of course, I started to cry. I’m sure hormones had nothing to do with that.  ;)  WOW.  We’re pregnant!!!!   Even though I was pretty sure before we took the test, I can’t believe it!

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Your baby's the size of a poppyseed!

At week four, your baby, now known as a blastocyst, is practically microscopic -- a teeny ball of cells. She's busy settling into her new home (your uterus), prepping for all the crucial development she'll be doing over the next six weeks.

The ball of cells is splitting into the embryo (your future child) and placenta. Baby's neural tube, the building block of his spine, brain and backbone, is already formed. The amniotic sac and fluid are forming into protective cushioning for your baby.

 

at 4 weeks

- The ball of cells is splitting into the embryo (your future child) and placenta.

- Baby's neural tube, the building block of his spine, brain and backbone, is already formed.

- The amniotic sac and fluid are forming into protective cushioning for your baby.

I’m excited and nervous all rolled into one.  I love Hubby so much and first and foremost am so happy to be taking this journey with him.

Using an online tool, we calculated my due date as December 25th!  A healthy baby couldn’t be a more perfect Christmas gift if you ask me.

Now there is so much to think about!!!!  I need an OB, a hospital, an announcement plan..... I’m overwhelmed!  I better start researching OB doctors stat!!

Hubby went to the grocery store while I stayed home researching like a maniac.  When he got home, he announced that he’d bought me a gift and very sweetly presented me with a yellow baby beanie cap.  He explained that he wanted to be sure he was the first one to buy me something.  So cute!!!  Am I lucky or what?!

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I signed up for a few different websites and began my “to do list” on The Bump:


Being that I’m always late, it figures I’m already behind on a few items even though I just got started!  Although technically I have until Wednesday, which starts my 5th week!  :)